PBR=Vegan

It's been awhile I see. The past few weeks I keep coming to this empty screen to write something and just end up staring blankly. So I close it down and quite usually lay back down. I've become a big fan of online television and the comfort of sweat pants. I wonder if I'm depressed, in a rut for the moment, or just lacking creative energy. I'm a photographer at heart and haven't touched my camera in months. I brought it places with me, then lacked the motivation to take it out of my bag.

Food, ah food. The Vegan thing is going great, my wife finds it annoying and worrisome, but for me it's going great.  It's like I finally have control over food. No longer do I eat a jelly donut or a 3lb cheeseburger and make myself throw up. In high school I use to make myself throw up quite regularly, but since I became serious about therapy, I always felt guilty when I'd do it. And now and then over the past few years, I've done it a few times, still feeling that guilt. Still hating myself for eating something, whether the quanity or how much fat it had in it, that made me feel so fucking gross. 

I've lost 10 lbs since beginning the diet. 8 lbs in the first 2 weeks, which made my head turn a little. Thinking that I was carrying around 8 lbs of cheese and meat made me laugh, and also reconsider what "we" put in our bodies.  I don't work out, I haven't changed my life in any other aspect, 8 fucking lbs of bullshit. I find myself hungry more often and eat more then I ever have before, and don't feel disgusting or ashamed once it's traveled down my throat. Going out to eat presents a little challenge at times and I have to bring my own food to my mom's house. But it's a challenge, it's an experiment, that I'm comfortable handling. In short of having IBS, I've never had problems in the bowel movement department. I've always been pretty regular, but now jesus, I shit atleast 3 times a day. All this chatter, I should go lay back down.