Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I had a cup of coffee yesterday and put half & half in it, then got called out by a friend. Whoops FAIL. I'm surprised all the birds in China didn't die.
I've noticed I'm hungry a little more often. Like an hour or two after a meal I need a snack. The trouble with this is I've had eating disorders in the past and sometimes when my body tells me it wants food, I tell it to shut the fuck up. I am guilty of a little self seeking torture at times. My wife is my supervisor of sorts, for example " you sure you need that next beer?" or " I'm concerned your not eating enough.." or " will you put on your seat belt?". Sometimes I'm grateful for this because she's caring and sweet anyways and sometimes I want to wear ear plugs and be mute. She's dairy free (most of the time) because it helps with her ever lasting allergies and the bottom half of the freezer is full of meat that is now claimed by her. I mention this because this whole new diet started off a little easier by already loving soy milk and tofutti cream cheese.
Two of my favorite friends and the wife and I were going to go have brunch this morning, then I got all anxious about not being able to eat anything besides a fucking fruit cup so I decided I would make then breakfast. It's obviously easier when your in control.
I've noticed I'm hungry a little more often. Like an hour or two after a meal I need a snack. The trouble with this is I've had eating disorders in the past and sometimes when my body tells me it wants food, I tell it to shut the fuck up. I am guilty of a little self seeking torture at times. My wife is my supervisor of sorts, for example " you sure you need that next beer?" or " I'm concerned your not eating enough.." or " will you put on your seat belt?". Sometimes I'm grateful for this because she's caring and sweet anyways and sometimes I want to wear ear plugs and be mute. She's dairy free (most of the time) because it helps with her ever lasting allergies and the bottom half of the freezer is full of meat that is now claimed by her. I mention this because this whole new diet started off a little easier by already loving soy milk and tofutti cream cheese.
Two of my favorite friends and the wife and I were going to go have brunch this morning, then I got all anxious about not being able to eat anything besides a fucking fruit cup so I decided I would make then breakfast. It's obviously easier when your in control.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
What Dreams May Come....fuck you Robin Williams
Yesterday I think I gained 10 pounds from stuffing my face all day with meat, cheese, and yogurt and found myself drinking a carton of milk just because I could. I went to work and a co-worker ordered buffalo wings and mozzeralla sticks, as my final supper. For dessert I had chilli then crackers and cheese.
I had so many anxiety filled dreams last night all about food. I was at a party and took a bite of a cookie, then a friend looked at me disapprovingly, and it dawned on me that the cookie probably had butter in it, so I had to put it down. Then there was a giant table full of different sized platters of food, I scanned the entire table, tray by tray, only to put my head down in disappointment that I couldn't eat any of it. Then I woke up and ate a banana. Here we go.
I had so many anxiety filled dreams last night all about food. I was at a party and took a bite of a cookie, then a friend looked at me disapprovingly, and it dawned on me that the cookie probably had butter in it, so I had to put it down. Then there was a giant table full of different sized platters of food, I scanned the entire table, tray by tray, only to put my head down in disappointment that I couldn't eat any of it. Then I woke up and ate a banana. Here we go.
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