I get a little shit from some assholes (one being my acupuncture guru who I love) that I eat fish and claim to be Vegan. Here's my explanation, fuck off I do what I want and make my own rules. This is an experiment. Do I sound resentful, maybe that's my mood in this moment. I guess when people bring things up aka " you still eat fish", there's a small part of me that wants to stomp my feet and explain myself. The truth is I try to maintain a "veganish" diet, and yes for me, that includes eating fish. After all I like to think I'm partly Asian. Not racist, just Asian.
On a seperate topic, this virus shit. A large number of my residents were struck with the vomit/diarrhea stick. The smell, the cleaning, the coughing, I could literally watch theses super germs flying, clawing their way through the air, and into my body. I knew it was only a matter of time, and it was. After 4 days, I'm still a little nauseous but I'm back. Onto the next dilemma, my wife wants to go back to vet school. Virgina I fucking you. To be cont..
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
PBR=Vegan
It's been awhile I see. The past few weeks I keep coming to this empty screen to write something and just end up staring blankly. So I close it down and quite usually lay back down. I've become a big fan of online television and the comfort of sweat pants. I wonder if I'm depressed, in a rut for the moment, or just lacking creative energy. I'm a photographer at heart and haven't touched my camera in months. I brought it places with me, then lacked the motivation to take it out of my bag.
Food, ah food. The Vegan thing is going great, my wife finds it annoying and worrisome, but for me it's going great. It's like I finally have control over food. No longer do I eat a jelly donut or a 3lb cheeseburger and make myself throw up. In high school I use to make myself throw up quite regularly, but since I became serious about therapy, I always felt guilty when I'd do it. And now and then over the past few years, I've done it a few times, still feeling that guilt. Still hating myself for eating something, whether the quanity or how much fat it had in it, that made me feel so fucking gross.
I've lost 10 lbs since beginning the diet. 8 lbs in the first 2 weeks, which made my head turn a little. Thinking that I was carrying around 8 lbs of cheese and meat made me laugh, and also reconsider what "we" put in our bodies. I don't work out, I haven't changed my life in any other aspect, 8 fucking lbs of bullshit. I find myself hungry more often and eat more then I ever have before, and don't feel disgusting or ashamed once it's traveled down my throat. Going out to eat presents a little challenge at times and I have to bring my own food to my mom's house. But it's a challenge, it's an experiment, that I'm comfortable handling. In short of having IBS, I've never had problems in the bowel movement department. I've always been pretty regular, but now jesus, I shit atleast 3 times a day. All this chatter, I should go lay back down.
Food, ah food. The Vegan thing is going great, my wife finds it annoying and worrisome, but for me it's going great. It's like I finally have control over food. No longer do I eat a jelly donut or a 3lb cheeseburger and make myself throw up. In high school I use to make myself throw up quite regularly, but since I became serious about therapy, I always felt guilty when I'd do it. And now and then over the past few years, I've done it a few times, still feeling that guilt. Still hating myself for eating something, whether the quanity or how much fat it had in it, that made me feel so fucking gross.
I've lost 10 lbs since beginning the diet. 8 lbs in the first 2 weeks, which made my head turn a little. Thinking that I was carrying around 8 lbs of cheese and meat made me laugh, and also reconsider what "we" put in our bodies. I don't work out, I haven't changed my life in any other aspect, 8 fucking lbs of bullshit. I find myself hungry more often and eat more then I ever have before, and don't feel disgusting or ashamed once it's traveled down my throat. Going out to eat presents a little challenge at times and I have to bring my own food to my mom's house. But it's a challenge, it's an experiment, that I'm comfortable handling. In short of having IBS, I've never had problems in the bowel movement department. I've always been pretty regular, but now jesus, I shit atleast 3 times a day. All this chatter, I should go lay back down.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I had a cup of coffee yesterday and put half & half in it, then got called out by a friend. Whoops FAIL. I'm surprised all the birds in China didn't die.
I've noticed I'm hungry a little more often. Like an hour or two after a meal I need a snack. The trouble with this is I've had eating disorders in the past and sometimes when my body tells me it wants food, I tell it to shut the fuck up. I am guilty of a little self seeking torture at times. My wife is my supervisor of sorts, for example " you sure you need that next beer?" or " I'm concerned your not eating enough.." or " will you put on your seat belt?". Sometimes I'm grateful for this because she's caring and sweet anyways and sometimes I want to wear ear plugs and be mute. She's dairy free (most of the time) because it helps with her ever lasting allergies and the bottom half of the freezer is full of meat that is now claimed by her. I mention this because this whole new diet started off a little easier by already loving soy milk and tofutti cream cheese.
Two of my favorite friends and the wife and I were going to go have brunch this morning, then I got all anxious about not being able to eat anything besides a fucking fruit cup so I decided I would make then breakfast. It's obviously easier when your in control.
I've noticed I'm hungry a little more often. Like an hour or two after a meal I need a snack. The trouble with this is I've had eating disorders in the past and sometimes when my body tells me it wants food, I tell it to shut the fuck up. I am guilty of a little self seeking torture at times. My wife is my supervisor of sorts, for example " you sure you need that next beer?" or " I'm concerned your not eating enough.." or " will you put on your seat belt?". Sometimes I'm grateful for this because she's caring and sweet anyways and sometimes I want to wear ear plugs and be mute. She's dairy free (most of the time) because it helps with her ever lasting allergies and the bottom half of the freezer is full of meat that is now claimed by her. I mention this because this whole new diet started off a little easier by already loving soy milk and tofutti cream cheese.
Two of my favorite friends and the wife and I were going to go have brunch this morning, then I got all anxious about not being able to eat anything besides a fucking fruit cup so I decided I would make then breakfast. It's obviously easier when your in control.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
What Dreams May Come....fuck you Robin Williams
Yesterday I think I gained 10 pounds from stuffing my face all day with meat, cheese, and yogurt and found myself drinking a carton of milk just because I could. I went to work and a co-worker ordered buffalo wings and mozzeralla sticks, as my final supper. For dessert I had chilli then crackers and cheese.
I had so many anxiety filled dreams last night all about food. I was at a party and took a bite of a cookie, then a friend looked at me disapprovingly, and it dawned on me that the cookie probably had butter in it, so I had to put it down. Then there was a giant table full of different sized platters of food, I scanned the entire table, tray by tray, only to put my head down in disappointment that I couldn't eat any of it. Then I woke up and ate a banana. Here we go.
I had so many anxiety filled dreams last night all about food. I was at a party and took a bite of a cookie, then a friend looked at me disapprovingly, and it dawned on me that the cookie probably had butter in it, so I had to put it down. Then there was a giant table full of different sized platters of food, I scanned the entire table, tray by tray, only to put my head down in disappointment that I couldn't eat any of it. Then I woke up and ate a banana. Here we go.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Almost the Last Supper
Should I start panicking now or tomorrow when I sign off from my beloved affair with steak and eggs. Let's be fucking serious, it's the cheese, it's the not having cheese that's going to bring this whiny bitch to her knees. And most of my cheese and bloody steak loving friends are asking me why. "Why the fuck are you doing this?", "No more goat cheese? Are you mental?" The simple explanation is this: Because I want to. It's an experiment. To either prove to hippie dippie assholes that their theories are full of shit and their parents passed down conversation are all lies or that it might just make you feel better to stop stuffing your face with "man making money off of animal" bullshit. Can I survive and prosper off of vegetables, fruit, grains and legumes? Or will I wither away bitterly, and pick up knitting and English tea? There are hundreds of thousands of medical studies done, Anthropologists, New Ageists and Farmers, who will all tell you their view on either side. Some have money at stake, some have sponsors that out of pure obligation and cowardly misfortune they have to stand behind, and some are just crust punks living off of trust funds who have nothing else better to do with their food stamps. And it makes for a better life story. Either way, I figure I'll feel like baby Jesus walking on water never to break anything but a happy smile or I'll be miserable and hungry and get sick from this deficiency or that. So why not, it's not as if I have anything more exciting going on in my life at the moment.
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